Music, Religion and Family: a Student Considers her Background and Beliefs

Feature Article:
A Faith that Follows My Beat


“This can’t be real.”

It was like the Daft Punk concert I had attended two years ago. The same passionate fans, the heat, sweat and noise building up--the music dominating everything else in the room. Hundreds of people stepped on toes, used each others’ shoulders as levers to elevate themselves; just for a glimpse.

Except, people were not here for a band, people were here for God.

That is the only comparison that comes close to what I witnessed last summer. I traveled 2,579 miles by auto rickshaw, car and on foot, to arrive at the famous Hindu temple “Vrindavan”; which celebrates Lord Krishna’s childhood. I was completely out of place and disoriented. “But it’s just a statue isn’t it?” I thought to myself as I stood in faraway corner trying to escape the convulsing madness. There was no organization, no apparent tangible benefits of being there, or opportunities for scenic photographs. Then it hit me. I did not really believe in God.

Watching fanatical pilgrims praying in unison, I felt like I had betrayed my parents. Had I become an outsider in my own family? I began to feel hollow, as if I was missing an essential piece which made me--well--me. I had always thought that our shared religion bonded me to my family, to honor our God and follow our common religious practices. Every other Indian family I had come across professed some form of faith. Thus, I religiously performed all the ceremonies and celebrated the festivals, without actually understanding or believing in any of it. Truthfully, I followed the herd.

This epiphany was disrupted by a frail old man, wearing a white dhoti, one of the many ascetics calling Vrindavan their home. Staff in hand, chanting in Sanskrit, he said in Hindi “Are you praying for your family?” I quickly replied “Yes,” hoping he would leave me alone. He smiled and walked away. I sighed and looked down at my palms and noticed that they were placed in the praying position. It occurred to me that I always prayed like this before any important event in my life. This was not because of a commitment to God, but because of the values my parents had instilled in me. They did not tell me what to pray for, but to be grateful for the things I have. They had not taught me to touch elders’ feet to conform to societal norms, but to show my respect for them. Finally, I realized that I did not celebrate our festivals for the Gods, but to take a moment to recognize the importance of unity, and the family that has always been there for me.

A year later, my hollowness is replaced with a growing faith. Not a faith in God or a religion, but a faith in my values which keep me united with my loved ones. People might be here for Lord Krishna, but I am here for the people I care about most.

-Written by Radhika Mathur